


Testing me

by Nigamiestmajeur_e



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Other, That scene from episode 7 season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:15:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25885684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nigamiestmajeur_e/pseuds/Nigamiestmajeur_e
Summary: He sees her eyes turning white and it makes him sad. It makes him so happy and so sad.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 63





	Testing me

He sees her eyes turning white and it makes him sad. It makes him so happy and so sad.

She can control her powers after all, blowing up some fruits with a laugh that made his heart jump. She is strong, and she is blooming. That's all he ever wanted for her, and all she had to do was to forget about his father, forget about the Academy. Forget about him.

" _I don't want to lose you again_ " she said what seems a life line ago. This was bullshit. She prefers to save some people she barely knows. She prefers to leave her family. She prefers to leave him. She prefers to fight him.  
Five can't believe it, he can't believe he is going to fight Vanya. He never wanted to. He'd rather kill the entire Commission again than to hurt Vanya.

The worst part is, he could let her stay here. He could find another way to stop the 60s version of doomsday. Since his family is probably the cause, maybe he only needs to keep them apart. And Vanya could live her love story with Sissy. She is strong enough for that. The worst part is, he knows that nothing is waiting for her in 2019. Nothing. Except him.

But she is better without him. Here is the truth that he can't bear. She feels better without him, she lives better without him. But Five ? He can't live without her. Her name was the first he screamed in the middle of the ashes of the Earth. He can't live without any of them. He wants to end the apocalypse with them again and again and again instead of being alone under a rain of dust.

Maybe it's why those horrible flashbacks are over, despite not taking a break or even a single good cup of coffee for two weeks. Because, since he came into the 60s, since he saw what their powers could do, they aren't ghosts to him anymore. To see a different apocalypse proved to him that he can change things, that they can change things. That they can change. That there is still hope for all of them, a hope that Five was craving for.

 **Does Vanya know ?** Does Vanya know that they are his raison d'être ? Probably not. Otherwise, she would know that he wouldn't try a thing against her. That she didn't need to threaten him. He loves her, he would do whatever she says, she doesn't need any rumour for that. He always listened to her when they were kids... except one time. One fucking time. And now he has to fix it, and Vanya has to be by his side because if not, he will definitely lose himself.

 **Does Vanya remember ?** Does Vanya remember why she called herself Vanya ? When they were all trying to find names based on their birth location. She discovered that she was born in Russia, on a swimming-pool. He... he didn't care about his name. It doesn't represent who is his, so why change it ? But Vanya didn't want him to not have a connexion why her anymore. If he didn't choose a name like the rest of them, fine. Her name would have to start with a V. Like the Roman numeral. Five.  
After he disappeared to live his worst nightmare, she held it dearly. He knows that, the same way he knows that she waited for him, she wrote it in her book. Five still has it in his pocket, yes, even here, even now. Clinging to her photo, her face like a beacon in the middle of the apocalypse. The only face he didn't find in the ruins, and fuck did he believe that maybe she was still alive somewhere. Did he travel across the country to find her. Did he forget to put a bullet in his head because he was hoping to find her. Vanya. He recognised the bodies of his siblings thanks to the tattoos they all hated, but that Vanya would have loved to have.

 **Does Vanya understand ?** They were all jealous of her. She was allowed to have a normal life. She was allowed to have a hobby. Every notes from her violin was a reminder to them that she had what they would never have despite all their powers. But she wanted to be with them, to be like them, and it infuriated them. Only Ben and Five were nice to her. And then Five disappeared. And then Ben died. While grieving for the adults buried under bricks, Five discovered with Vanya's book that Ben was buried under ground. He discovered her pain, her loneliness, her anger underneath. He didn't want to give that book to her so she could read it, read the person she once was. She is blooming, blowing up some fruits with a smile. Even right now she is holding her powers and it makes Five so happy. So happy and so sad. Because she is going to use it against him.

He can't hurt her. He just can't. Him, a killer, the best assassin of all times, the fourth horseman. He took pleasure with this axe, he can't deny it after all. To kill someone is to change something. He can see the flow of destiny dripping like rivers of blood. To kill Vanya is to save the world. No. No fucking way. A gardener ? Yeah. The president ? No problem. A talking fish ? Why not. Anyone but Vanya. Or Klaus. Or Allison. Or Diego. Shit, even Luther.  
To kill someone is to change something. To kill one person is to save the world. Do they have any idea how many people Five killed just to save them ? The five of them ? An entire army, for the sake of five dysfunctional adults. They chose real names so they could choose their lives, but despite everything they still were, still are, the little kids traumatised by their "father". Five didn't want another name, didn't care about his father's legacy, didn't bother to stand up against a purpose that actually never mattered to him. Five didn't want to be identified with the Academy's history, starting with the moment they chose another name. He didn't want to be identified with the Academy trauma. Little did he know another trauma would wait for him.

He clenches his fingers and he can feel an old wound, but not so old, on his right arm. That wound he made himself in the donut shop. That wound that Vanya took care of. The very first wound somebody else took care of since decades. He felt like a child again. Shit, he is a little kid too. He says he is the oldest and so the wisest but really ? He spent years alone doing anything but surviving. He didn't go to school, didn't move into a new apartment, didn't make new friends, didn't look for work... How is he supposed to be the adult here ? He made so many mistakes.

"You're the reason we're stuck here in the first place"

He knows what it feels like to think that you're the reason why the world ended. He carried this guilt all those years. If he hadn't left Vanya... If he hadn't left her alone... But now he wants her to carry this burden too. He is so fucking selfish. He could go see his past-self and explain to him what caused the apocalypse. Then his past-self would change it, destroying Five in the process. And he doesn't want to. Gosh he doesn't want to. He wants to stay alive, as long as he can, just to see them.  
He needs them. He just so freaking needs them. Who cares if it's the apocalypse. Who cares if it's doomsday. He doesn't want to save the world, he just wants to save them. He'd rather live on the Moon with them, even if the Earth blows up. Who cares. If they don't come with him, he will destroy the suitcase. If Vanya doesn't come with him...

"Fine".

Five can't believe he wins. If you can say that. He can't believe how scared Vanya is of him. No. No no no fuck no. She is so powerful. And he is nothing to her. Why did she let him win ? Because she is still the kindest person Five ever met, isn't she ? The kindest and yet the deadliest. Five often fights with his other siblings but Vanya ? A fight between them would have been destructive as hell. Hey, maybe it would have caused another different apocalypse, wouldn't that be fun ? Wouldn't that be ironic ? Five can't believe he wins.

Of course she doesn't know. Of course she doesn't remember. Of course she doesn't understand.

Otherwise, the outcome of this fight would have been clear for both of them.

He would have lost. He already does.


End file.
